so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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