she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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