I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize