I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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