They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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