This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
