96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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