Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
