New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
