She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
