So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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