Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
