I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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