Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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