This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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