I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
