I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
