Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
