If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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