Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I supernannyed him into submission
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
