Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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