Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
