Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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