coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
