If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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