I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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