He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
