anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
