I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
