3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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