can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
