I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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