sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My vagina just clenched in fear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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