Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
