When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
