Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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