We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
