toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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