a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
