My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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