I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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