So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
