just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize