It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
