Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
