Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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