i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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