We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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