remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
