my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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