dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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