I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
