Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
