i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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