hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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