Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
