You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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