I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
