Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
