It's like God shit irony all over that family
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
