need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
