yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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