carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize