i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
