Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
