I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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