Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize