turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
