A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
